Shake it Like a Salt Shaker, Polaroid Picture, etc.

I know, I know…everyone is about as tired of HEARING about the earthquakes as we are HAVING the darn things. However, I doubt anyone has heard the real reason we are being abundantly and overly blessed with the quakes. I have my own theory and all the “fault” (I know, I know… people are also tired of hearing quake-associated puns) should be placed upon one person, and one person solely: my husband. He has the innate, uncontrollable and inexplicable ability to cause and attract trouble. I love him dearly, but hear me out. Remember our freak snowstorm/blizzard/snowpocalypse? Guess who left the state and, most likely, caused an unnatural shift in the polar caps or something? Yep, my husband did. He was gone for two weeks and left me here – alone – to shovel my way out. By the time he came back, there was hardly any snow left. Guess who has also been gone for the last week during our record-setting freak earthquake outbreak? Uh huh, the hubs. I was, once again, alone when the Friday night “pre-shock” hit. Did I just have a weird dream? Perhaps some crazy drunk drove right through my house? Or MAYBE, I am going banana sandwich (this was, at the time, my first thought). I turned to my Twitter page (I love social media) to see if anyone else had the trippy experience, which was a much more appropriate second plan after my initial reaction to run through the streets in sheer terror. Luckily, others had posted about the quake, which meant, for the time being, I was still, at least, mildly sane. But, I have good news. Rest assured he is on his way home now, so this should restore the natural balance of the Earth’s tectonic plates. Wonder what will happen next time he decides to leave me? Tsunami, asteroid impact (we got close), volcanic eruption, perpetual darkness, the return of dinosaurs…

When I told him about my theory he laughed, but he also posited his own interpretation. He believes that my high-strung and turbulent emotions in response to his absence have been the catalyst to all of our problems. Tu shay…